Save Me
by Thyme In Her Eyes
Summary: He's supposed to be her bodyguard, but he can't protect her, and more than anything else he needs her to save him... [Cloud x Aeris]


Save Me

by Thyme In Her Eyes

_Author's Notes:_ Written for the theme "Bodyguard" for the CloudxAerith Forum's 100 Themes Challenge. This one is quite a bit darker and weirder than my previous pieces, and deals with a part of the story I haven't seen many writers here tackle, so I couldn't resist having a go. And just to disclaim, I don't own the characters featured. Now enjoy, and please leave feedback!

-- SAVE ME --

He's her bodyguard. Privately, he likes to hold on to that and feel bound to her, though he's aware he could drift away and out of her life with the next breeze if he felt like it. He doesn't want that, and the way she so often and so playfully reminds him of his role makes him feel warm inside and glad to be important to her. He's saved her once before, and knowing that makes him glow with pride and a sense of achievement that's always eluded him in the past. He saves her, and begins to feel whole.

He worries about her too, although she's as headstrong as they come and dragons and demons would be wise to tread carefully around her when she's in a foul mood. Aeris doesn't need him; she has plenty of smarts and has already learned how to take care of herself, but she wants him around anyway, and that makes all the difference.

She jokes about the whole thing, and the security of her laughter keeps him steady, makes him feel useful. She affectionately calls him her bodyguard and steps into dangerous situations, and inside a part of him smiles. Wooden rafters are under his feet and arrow-shots of sunlight glare into his eyes as he extends his hand to her, and she accepts. When the battle's done, he pulls a fancy move with his sword, craning his head to see if everyone's noticed him and if they're impressed, but in the corner of his mind he checks for her and makes sure she's okay. She always is.

He tells her to go home and be safe, but he doesn't want to push her away and is always relieved to see her not take his concern seriously and give him big fake yawns as she says she's heard it all before but isn't ready to listen now anymore than she was the last time they had this conversation. He nods, defeated, and will only realize later that he's happier with her around and lightening the mood. Soon he accepts her presence and wouldn't dream of asking her to leave. After each battle, she brushes imaginary dirt, dust and monster slime off her dress and jacket and he wants to preserve those simple movements. His promise to her is a good thing really, because it gives him something to hide behind.

Her healing hands are beautiful. Sometimes, they make him imagine that there might be more to life than endless fighting. She smiles at him, and he feels strangely looked-out for.

In reality, he's all mixed-up. Everything's the wrong way around, undone, or worse. He's her bodyguard, but he's hurt her rather than protected her. Her blood runs down his hands, and he somehow reaches the thought that maybe she'll be the big hero and save him.

Cloud's hands trembled as they gave the Black Materia to Sephiroth, but now they are calmed and obedient. They're covered in blood now as they lash out with a will that isn't his, knuckles red. Maybe it's not real, he thinks. He's angry, frustrated and aching to break something, but it's not directed at her, never was, so it can't be happening. It can't be real because he's her bodyguard and it's his job to protect her from nutjobs like the one beating her right now. She's special and wonderful and makes him feel more okay about things in his life, so he'd never want to hurt her. It can't be real, it isn't happening. Her should be able to stop himself for her sake. He should be able to rescue her from his own unstable mind.

He falls onto her, propelled by something he can't understand, and lands blow after blow. His fists rise again and pound against her head and face and he doesn't stop. She fights back and tries to stop him without resorting to using materia, but he can't hear her anymore. He screams before his face falls blank, he wants her to tell him _why _and make it all go away, but she can't.

Now he's hurting her, really badly too, and nothing can stop him. Deals and promises and dates are useless – they meant so much to him before, but are flimsy and robbed of strength now. She can't offer him anything that isn't real and honest and he hates her as much as he loves her. All he wants is that high-pitched ringing inside his head to just shut up. He wants to evaporate into nothing, to never touch anyone again, and let the wind whip him and his furious hands away from her. She'll be okay, but he's not so sure about himself.

He takes her apart and the process tears him to pieces. He doesn't know what's happening when someone else jumps into the pit with the two of them, hurls him away from her with aggressive force, and delivers one hell of a punch to his face. It knocks him out, and he deserves it.

In the whiteness, the waking dream, he calls out to her, but she isn't with him yet. He hears people talking, concern flowing from them and over his body like warm water, but her voice isn't among them. Her blood has dried on his hands now and crumbles off, and he's failed, he's fallen apart and ruined everything all over again.

Her giggles rise up and all around him, and he knows she doesn't feel sorry for him. There's a silver edge outlining his thoughts, and he's mute to tell her about it, so she can't chase it away. She cares, but she can't save him any more than he can save her.

But he doesn't want her to go, not to danger or to safety. He wants her to stay with him, but his words and actions are all a swirling confusion. He's still her bodyguard, right? His promise in the Church was a spur-of-the-moment thing and technically she's already paid him back, but he wants to follow through on it even when he's falling apart. He wants to be Cloud Strife of Nibelheim, Ex-SOLDIER, First Class, childhood friend of Tifa, but already the holes in that story are getting bigger and bigger and keep drawing him into their gaping emptiness. He's the man who gave the Black Materia to Sephiroth after fighting so hard to get to it first, and that's just unacceptable and not to be faced up to. But he can still be Aeris' bodyguard. He can hold on to that even when everything else slips away and out of his control, like now.

In the white of dreamless sleep, he feels a kiss fall on his cheek, and Cloud yearns to touch her and stop her from going away.

"_Poor Cloud. You were gone before I even met you. You're batshit crazy,"_ she says, and there's a mild humourous touch to her voice that's nowhere near funny. _"I still love you, though."_

-- FIN --


End file.
